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SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man! SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man! SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man! SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man! SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man! SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man! SHIT, man! I mean... REALLY, man!
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000)

AKA: Miedo!: SŽ lo que gritaste el viernes 15 del œltimo verano (2000) [Argentina]
AKA: Schrei wenn du weisst, was ich letzten Freitag den 13. getan habe (2000) [Germany]
AKA: Histeria (2000) [Brazil]
AKA: Me parece que ... sŽ lo que grit‡steis el œltimo viernes 13 (2000) [Spain]
AKA: Shriek 1 (2000) [Finland]
AKA: Scary Scream Movie (2000) [France]
AKA: Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th (2000) [Alternate English TItle]
(Release Date: October 17, 2000)

No, not REALLY! No, not REALLY!

Don't SCREAM at this "Scary Movie"...

J.C. Maçek III... 

Is in love iwth a Mendocinian!!
J.C. Macek III
The World's Greatest Critic!!!

"This never happened!" is the phrase spoken by a "major" character in the ridiculous horror spoof Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth. I'm convinced many of the actors, and even crew involved with this film said those exact same words on set and after this idiotic film was released... and possibly as recently as last week. It doesn't get a whole lot lamer than this parody of just about every recognizable horror flick out there. Obviously the title alone name-checks Friday the 13th, I Know What You Did Last Summer and, of course, the Scream movies, the first of which this plot imitates almost exactly. Nevermind that fellow Slasher/ Splatter spoof Scary Movie did the same thing first and did it better in the very same year. That's not to say that what Scary Movie did was terribly well done... but it was better done than this film.

The film centers around a new kid named Dawson Deery (Harley Cross) who hits a new school right when a series of killings start to kick off. And, yes, that's supposed to be "Dawson", like in the "Creek". His four immediate friends include Julie Benz, Majandra Delfino, Simon Rex and Danny Strong and are all incredibly obvious standins for characters from Scream, even though their backstories ape I Know What You Did Last Summer greatly. Oh, also, all four of them suck.

But you can hardly blame them for their remarkable suckitude, considering the fact that one of their dear school friends (Aimee Graham's Screw Frombehind, not kidding), was recently murdered by a killer called "The Killer". This scene contains one of the few moments that borderline on "clever" when the bad guy's Jason-esque Hockey Mask catches fire and melts into a goofy parody of the Ghostface mask from Scream. Kind of funny, sure, but about as far from "inspired" as I am from the papal throne.

Inspiration is pretty easily discernable in this film as the Scream-centric plot goes on to spoof only the most notable moments from about a hundred different flicks out there from The Shining to Titanic to Child's Play to Christine (and, by the way, I'm in love with Christine). However, once in a a great while, perhaps even by accident, the film will land on a subtle joke that proves to be both intelligent and clever. That's pretty much as rare as a steak that's been run through a warm room, then served, but for the few quality jokes that are there, the corners of the mouth do tend to bend upward. The rest of the time, we're faced with a series of very dated jokes ("Pop Up Video" and current events references are peppered throughout) and incredibly obvious parody moments are everywhere. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen 's Hagitha Utslay is a remarkably non-divergent reimagining of Scream's Gail Weathers while Tom Arnold's Doughy Primesuspect ain't nothin' but the character played by Gail's real-life husband, man. It's corn dog. Further weirding things out is the fact that Shirley Jones cameos as a remarkably profane nurse named "Kevorkian", Rose Marie cameos as a weird teacher named Mrs. Tingle and none other than Coolio guest stars as the Administrator-Formerly-Known-As-Principal. Okay, that last one was a little clever, I admit.

But here's the thing about SIYKWIDLFTT, it does its best to be edgy and profane, like many of the many spoof movies out there (and, much as Scream namechecks horror movies, this film namechecks other parodies), but the edge really isn't there. There is a decent amount of profanity and a ton of sexual references, but there is only vaguely suggested sex and no nudity whatsoever in this film. Gratuities? Beg for them. In FACT, the one opportunity for nudity is used as a joke to make fun of the fact that this film has no nudity. That means it can go straight to hell.

Speaking of which, HAS Julie Benz gotten naked in anything yet, and WHY NOT?

Further, neither director John Blanchard (best known for directing Canadian TV) nor writers Sue Bailey and Joe Nelms can really decide what the fuck this film really is. Are we spoofing EVERYTHING or just horror flicks? Are we popping in clever obscure references to things like The Patty Duke Show and Grease or are we simply going with a series of ridiculous sight-gags like students casually walking down the hallways wearing Freddy claws? Are we branching out into other film-spoof territories or paying mere lip service until we can painfully limp back to our lazy-ass spoof of Scream? The film hardly knows or even GIVES A SHIT!

So what in the name of Crystal Lake were they trying to do with Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth? Obviously make a spoof film to cash in on Scream as soon as possible before the third film in that series was forgotten forever. Did the gamble work? Considering the audience and critical feedback for this film, and the fact that I'm giving it a mere Two Stars out of Five, I'm guessing NOT!

So until the promised sequel in the Animal House-style credit sequence finally does come to pass and Julie, Tiffanie and Majandra do give us the nude scene we so richly deserve, I'll see YOU in the next reel!!!

Stop Screaming.

If I miss a Friday the 13th, SHOOT ME!
Then click HERE for more reviews...
Including every Jason movie ever made.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000)
reviewed by J.C. Maçek III
Who is solely responsible for this,
And for the fact that he once ran over a fisherman and hid the body...
Well, not once... seven times.
Got something to say? Write it!
You can't spell Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth... without... you know what? FUCK YOU!
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Think about it... and blow me!

NOT close enough to Argentina for my tastes!