J.C. Maçek III The World's Greatest Critic!!! The Video Nasty List is mostly comprised of Horror Flicks, with a heapin' helpin' of subgenres smeared all over it like grease on a Hamburger Wrapper. One such subgenre that sucked out loud all over the Kingdom of Exploitation was Nazisploitation, which is almost exactly what it sounds like. Much like a freeway full of car wrecks, Exploitation Schlockers put out piss like this hoping that the general public wouldn't be able to resist watching either because of morbid curiosity or to have something to bitch about. Part of the Dog Days of Summer 2007! Fall in love with MORE Video Nasties! I mean, seriously, Nazis getting laid! Who in the name of Fuck would want to watch that? Just to be clear, this isn't some "By Skinheads, For Skinheads" pseudo-genre. No, these flicks (primarily, but not exclusively made by Italians who should've fucking known better) almost always show the bad guys getting it in the end (often literally), but the road to that nowhere is steep and painful in most cases. Especially this case. That being the case of the oft-renamed and nearly universally reviled L'Ultima orgia del III Reich, which translates to "The Last Orgy of the Third Reich" or (as it was released and subsequently BANNED in England), Gestapo's Last Orgy. You know that one bad movie you've seen that you can't even laugh at because you hate it so much and it's just packed with crap to the point that it's seeping through the silo rivets and spoiling the landscape for miles around? This movie is worse than that. It's not that director Cesare Canevari was inept (he was) or that his screenplay (written with Antonio Lucarella) was devoid of good ideas (it was), it's that this is a truly sick and dehumanizing movie packed with rape, torture, humiliation and much, much more all under the guise of showing you how bad the Nazis were. Look folks, I fucking hate Nazis, okay? I don't need to see the extremes that this film swims through to be convinced of that. Give me a Schindler's List and I'll be moved, clutching my heart. Give me The Pianist and I'll gently wipe a tear from the corner of my eye. Give me this piece of World War II crap and you'd better give me a barf bag too. Does this make you curious? Are you ready to watch this film? Can't you just enjoy it for the nudity? Trust me... no. This film is not "Trash" in the ways that you might dig. This film is literally trash, which should be hauled away as garbage. Yes, it's packed with naked women. Yes, many of them are beautiful. Yes, even that gets ruined. Here's a few things you can avoid seeing by avoiding this dingle berry: Close ups of fat, hairy male asses, accompanied by fart sounds. A slide show about a woman with a "thing" for excrement. A woman being ripped apart by dogs. Fat, old, disgusting naked men blocking the camera's view of the women. Nazis getting laid. Incestuous sadism. Gang Rape. Infanticide. Cannibalism. A woman being marinated, cooked and eaten. A whole lot of limp penises. Women being dipped in corrosive liquids. Interestingly enough, as vile a piece of chipped shit as this is, it's not even the nastiest of its genre, though it had no trouble whatsoever finding itself on the Video Nasty List. Which, frankly, is the only reason I'd watch tripe like this. I'm a completist. A completist who fucking hates this movie. On to the silly excuse for a plot, which is really just a rusted clothesline upon which to drape excuses for more degradation and sadism scenes. Lise Cohen (Daniela Poggi) takes her former Nazi Captor Commandant Conrad von Starker (Adriano Micantoni) on a tour of the now dilapidated concentration camp at which she was interred under his cruel thumb years before. It's suggested that her testimony at the war crimes tribunal actually helped get his fat ass released (those of you who have ever seen any revenge thriller will know what that means). Soon their walk down memory lane turns into a series of flashbacks that begin with her incarceration into von Starker's camp. We learn that all the attractive Jewish girls ended up there as sort of a sanctioned brothel for the SS. That, in and of itself, is beyond sickening. However, Canevari's sick mind pushes things to the Nth degree for a ride so nauseating one might wish for the relative quality and morality of Mountain of the Cannibal God. Lise, however, is unbreakable in her stoicism, having faced tortures and seen atrocities her whole life. When the Commandant realizes this and discovers that to kill Lise would be a mercy, he sets about a stupid and puke-making plan to break her. This is all much to the delight of the equally sadistic female Commandant named Alma (Maristella Greco), who is the only person who could conceivably be considered even worse than him. After a while the film gets so repetitive it stops even being truly shocking. It's not really desensitizing so much as it is... boring. Anything less would be similar to getting shocked when a kid with Tourette's snaps out the F-Word. The truth is it's hard to imagine anyone really taking this seriously or this film doing anybody any good. It's not hot, it's not fun, it's not satisfying, it's not terribly interesting and with the subject matter, it doesn't really do anything to open the eyes of the public or fill them with any kind of outrage. It's just pure exploitation crap designed and built to put butts in those grindhouse seats. This film doesn't say a whole lot about the sickness of the Nazis (which, on their best day, was enormous), but says a hell of a lot about the state of mind of the film makers. On its best day Gestapo's Last Orgy gets a DOG! Often watching a bad movie gives one a fun jolt, fills one with laughs at the bad writing, acting and directing and provides a morbid form of gross out. This one does none of that. Not even the ending (which you can see coming easier than the ending of Titanic) is satisfying. Fuck, I hate Nazis. Fuck I hate Nazi Movies. Look, kids, I'm in no way pro-censorship, but this flick deserved and deserves to be banned. Not for Moral or Righteous reasons, just because it's a piece of revolting skunk shit. And to think, this one I actually had to pay for. Folks, I need a shower, then I'm going to burn this DVD, then bury the ashes in a landfill, then saturate the ground around that plot with Holy Water, then have the whole area condemned. See you in the next reel.