J.C. Maçek III The World's Greatest Critic!

Wow, and I thought the FIRST Bloody Murder movie was original. This first sequel takes all the original elements of that flick and makes them even more original. It's almost as if it's TOO original.

While it's true that this one begins with a Camp Counselor game of Bloody Murder (sort of Tag and Hide and Seek in the woods), during which a tasteless prank is played, and after which a flighty character threatens to leave and then... uh... disappears; even though soon after this the camp counselors begin to be killed off one by one at the hands of a now-grown, psychotic camper in a hockey mask; in spite of the fact that the main character's boyfriend gets with another hot chick while one more camper watches; accepting the thought that there is a fatherly head camp counselor who obviously knows more than he's telling and granting the fact that there is a suggestively lesbian relationship between two hot campers, this movie is NOTHING like the original.

Observe: This time, instead of a group of Summer Camp Counselors scrambling to get Camp Placid Pines up and running for the camping season, the season is over, and the Counselors are scrambling to shut the place down.

Halloween 6 and Halloween Camp! It's easier to tell the Olson Twins apart!

Part of the 2006 Summer of Horror!

Unintentionally Hilarious Lines: [On trying to determine the killer's Identity] Sophie: Rick had an alibi... at least he says he did. [On Angela having sex with Mike] Tracy: Why didn't you tell us this last night? Angela: I don't know, it just all happened so fast!

In the sequel, the killer quickly dispenses with the Hockey Mask in favor of an expressionless white mask... sort of like Michael Myers', or that one jackass from Valentine. This time instead of email being used to mislead the hapless heroine, it's TEXT MESSAGING. Instead of COVERALLs the killer wears OVERALLS!

Oh, and this one has NOTHING to do with the Friday the 13th series either. Instead of the hockey mask wearing hermit madman that preys on a summer camp having an equally psychotic and vengeful MOTHER, in Bloody Murder 2 we find that it's the hockey mask wearing hermit madman summer camp predator's DAD who is psychotic and vengeful!

Just in case you think I'm being sarcastic, let me assure you: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK! You're damn right I'm being sarcastic. Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp is most certainly an improvement over the original, and it still sucks used ass through a garden hose. I've seen more riveting Massengil Disposable Douche television commercials. Yeah, you'll get that "not so fresh feeling" watching this seat-stain. The first one was a complete rip off of everything from Friday the 13th to Sleepaway Camp to Halloween to The Evil Dead to Full House to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This boil on the ass-cheek of direct-to-video cinema squirts is an almost exact remake of that film. It's slightly better written, better acted, better shot, better thought out, and this time, oh, yes, My Sweet Lord, this time out the producers spent the money to hire Tiffany Shepis, so you know there has got to be some fantastic nudity. I mean, that chick would get naked at the opening of a Bank, man!

Recapping the plot here would be an experiment in redundancy to say the least, so here are some notes of disinterest for you, the readers. Jason Hathaway from the first joint is still missing and presumed dead at the hands of the "legendary" (so they keep telling us) Trevor Moorhouse. His sister Tracy (Katy Woodruff) keeps having visions of him, but never bothers to ask "Why are you being played by a completely different actor now?". Naturally she wants all this put behind her, so she decides to become a camp Counselor at the very camp he was presumably murdered at. Isn't that kind of like trying to forget your embarrassing porn carreer by hanging out all day and night at Spanky's? Being incredibly hot, her boyfriend Mike (Kelly Gunning) is constantly trying (and, fuck all, failing) to get her naked. Meanwhile an even hotter chick named Sophie (Amanda Magarian) is trying to befriend her, and to see just how low those hot, hot low-rise jeans can get when wearing half-sweaters.

Soon, just like in the first pisser, kids start to vanish and are soon proven to be dead as Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Also, just like in the first pisser, it's all because of someone who is pretending to be Trevor Moorhouse. Why not just say "Fuck it!" and pretend you're Jason Voorhees? We aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall know what you're trying to do here, hacks.

I can say that the murder scenes are more gruesome and depraved this time out... and the special effects are truly unconventional... no, that's not right... Uncon-... uncon-... Unconvincing... that's what they are.

Again, there is some minimal charm in trying to figure out just who is pretending to be the legend. Could it be the creepy Camp Manager Rick (Arthur Benjamin); or could it be Jason himself, back for revenge (and now played by Tyler Sedustine); or, just maybe it's Virginia Mendoza's Hispanic hottie chef, Juanita, or, it could be the in-plain-sight Sophie. I'd like to see her in some Overalls. Unfortunately, everyone seems baffled, including the lead investigator Sheriff Miller (John Colton). To me, though, the funniest part of this is that after they know that there is a killer preying upon them, after they've seen the bodies half-buried in their shallow woodland graves, after they're well aware of the fact that one of them is probably a bloodthirsty murderer... everyone just hangs around. Talk about a plot contrivance. What, was somebody handing out Novocain or something? I haven't seen chicks this complacent since my dad raised poultry.

Again, the maximum charm to be sucked out of this movie is found in the female leads. Sadly, Tracy re-enacts the first flick's nudity-free shower scene, and Sophie doesn't even grant us a Bikini Scene. But I'm not complaining because, HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIFFANY SHEPIS! This lady seems to be on a one-woman quest to make up for the otherwise nudity free nature of this movie... and the first one... and a few others. And with those gravity-trumping breasts of hers, holy heaven, I think she can do it. Holey moley and holy macaroni, the actors in this movie actually got PAID to play with her hot body. You know there are thousands of actors who would do that for free? She's got a bit of that Biker Chick meets Kristen Johnston meets Drew Barrymore look, and that's not bad... Not bad? Dudes, see her naked... see her naked, trust me, see her naked!

Aside from that, Bloody Murder 2 follows every cliché in the book, up to, and including, Scream-like self referencing. There is no question in my brain-pan or anyone else's that this booger exists solely to cash in on the successes of other flicks. Even though director Rob Spera (of Leprechaun in the Hood "fame") and writer John R. Stevenson (who stole from better films to make the FIRST Bloody Murder poo fight) tried to make this one a little different (read: Rip Off Halloween a bit more than Friday the 13th this time), it's still as derivative as "Anti-Monopoly", "Wild Cherry Pepsi", "Kingdom Come" and any song by that "Mambo Number Five" guy.

Just take the slightest glance at the Marketing Material. Trevorino barely wears that Hockey Mask, but there it is on the US DVD Case, practically beckoning to any 11:54 PM Video Store loser customer, too drunk to notice this isn't a Jason Voorhees Flick. And as for the mask he really wears? Duh! Check out the UK Poster (released there as, I am NOT kidding, Halloween Camp: Trevor Versus Jason) and compare it to that of any given Halloween sequel! Halloween 6 will do. Oh, man, Deja Vu!

Man, rent an idea. Oh, wait, that's what you did... you literally went to the video store and rented all your ideas. At least the Sleepaway Camp sequels had the decency to come off as spoofs. How you kids took this one seriously is beyond me. Still, this does have its merits, and if you are ever interested in seeing just how far filmic plagiarism can go, this is the place to start that academic research. Also, in the merit category, that Tiffany has some body on her. NASA could learn a few things from her stellar anti-gravity abilities. Maybe what they should have done was have Tiffany come out dressed as Jason Voorhees, Katy come out dressed like Michael Myers, Angela like Freddy Krueger and Virginia all decked out like Leatherface. Then they could all meet in the woods, shout Boo, take off their costumes and then go shower together and play twister in the nude without even bothering to towel off first. And that would just be the beginning. I mean, you'd have to change the name of the movie, but the script would practically write itself, man!

Alas, alack, that's not what happened, and Bloody Murder 2: Closing Camp follows in its prequel's footsteps and gets a DOG! See, it's not even original in its rating. Seriously, folks, with all these Amityville "Unofficial Sequels", the very existence of The Asylum and the Bloody Murder series, I'm thinking that copyright laws are as flexible as a sideshow contortionist. They'd have kicked my ass out of the English Department back in College for stolen themes like this. Argh... I'll no more on it. See you in the next shower.