The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)
(Release Date: November 19, 2004)

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J.C. Maçek III The World's Greatest Critic! When Nickelodeon began advertising their latest Nicktoon back in the summer of 1999, my daughter was nine years old, and both of us were elated over the fact that there was to be a Television Show with the word "Pants" in the title. We ended up getting SpongeBob Squarepants one of the silliest and most out-to-lunch TV shows ever made, filled with enough Retro-Innocence for the youths, and enough "Grown-Up" jokes to keep the Moms and Dads in the room for the whole show (a "sponge" living in a place called "Bikini Bottom" where there also lives a guy named Krabs and a chick named "Sandy Cheeks"???). The show is silly to the point of being Dumb, yet structured in its wackiness to the point of Brilliance! The title Character is a Sea-Sponge (shaped like a Kitschen Sponge) of indeterminate age, innocent as a baby and optimistic to a fault. He's armed with good friends like Patrick Star, a thankless job he's thankful for at a Fast Food Joint, more one-liners than an episode of Gilmore Girls and, a Retro-Kitsch underlying the whole shebang, making it feel a whole load like Pee-Wee's Playhouse (but without the creepy lead)! SearchThisSite: Five Years later, The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie has floated into theatres packed by little kids and disaffected twenty-somethings alike, and let me tell you, it's funny! It's extremely funny! It's stupider than a Johnny Knoxville Impressionist, but it's incredibly funny! Yep, SpongeBob Squarepants (Tom Kenny) has arrived, and he's armed by Special Guests, Retro-Kitsch, Bestest Friends, a supercharged "Patty" Wagon, the Innocence of an Infant, the Optimism of Ralph Nader's political Strategist, and, this time, THE POWER OF ROCK AND ROLL! What appears to be the "Best Day Ever" is forced into a tailspin of unfortunate events as Sheldon J. Plankton (Doug Lawrence), a villain as dastardly as the Beagle Boys, and as egotistical as Terry McAuliffe, unveils his Plan Z to take over the World! With the help of his Computer Bride, Plankton steals the crown of King Neptune (Jeffrey Tambor), and sets forth a series of events from the Ice-Imprisonment of SpongeBob's Boss Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown... really) to the Mind Control of every Man, Woman and Child in Bikini Bottom! Who can stop him? Who lives in a Pineapple under the Sea? SpongeBob and Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke from Coach) follow the clues to save Neptune's Crown with the help of "Old Neptuna's Only Daughter" Mindy (Scarlett Johansson), and the Hindrance of a Bounty Hunter named Dennis (Nicktoon Alumnus Alec Baldwin, word is bond)! Along the way, Spongebob and Patrick must battle mean bikers, face-off with a giant cyclops, quip poetically each time the plot gets slow, enlist the aid of a completely un-self-conscious David Hasselhoff (as his own Baywatch-self), and (hopefully) save the proverbial day! Okay, so the plot is as silly as the Premise, and certain Series Mainstays take a Backseat to the Hollywood Guest Voices... who cares? It's all in good fun, and it's funnier than a barefoot walk through a Feather Duster Warehouse. The kids are sure to love it, and there's very, very little in this PG-Rated film to get your Parental Ire raised (unless you find images of the Animated Buttocks prurient). Most importantly, those disaffected twenty-somethings, both including the parents of the happy kids and the single ones, are going to find a whole lot to love here, especially when it comes to the triumphant "Goofy Goober" song, faithfully sung to the tune of Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock" (with a sample of David Lee Roth's version of "I Ain't Got Nobody")! Lest you think this was all done in some guy's garage by a bunch of poor animators, the brilliance shines like light through SpongeBob's porous body in that last Act. All the elements of the series are here, from all over the spectrum. Who knew? And that kids, is why The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie actually gets Four Stars out of Five! I'm not going to bother defending this review if you don't agree... Go see the movie... or go pay to see The Polar Express and sneak into this one. If you don't laugh, then check your pulse... you may be dead!