Stargate Atlantis
Episode 2.11: The Hive (01/06/06)

(Original Air Date: 200601062100)


I met a strange lady, she made me nervous!
She took me in and tried to eat me!

J.C. Maçek III
The World's Greatest Critic!

Every Friday for almost two years now, pear-shaped, pie-eatin' Sci-Fi geeks try hard to imagine what color thong Dr. Weir is wearing under that pressed uniform of hers. They also wouldn't argue with Teyla, sweet Teyla leaving a little less to the imagination. They then, by chance, pass a mirror and realize they look less like Ronon than they do Comic Book Guy, and even Rodney McKay would be two steps up from them. And that's all in spite of the untrimmed goatee and unwashed hair. The Ronon similarities end there, boys.

But the fierce fantasies of Fanboys have had to settle for re-runs since September 23rd (which gives them some good line-memorizin' time)! That all changes on January 6, 2006 when Wizards of the Coast stores all across the nations close early as their employees call in sick and cable internet connections run slow in every college neighborhood. Hells yeah, the Sci-Fi Channel Mid-Season Break is over and Battlestar Galactica and both Stargates return with new episodes.

Yeah, I watch them too! I just haven't gotten enough sleep lately, so I'm acting all grouchy. Sorry, bitches!

Anyway, back to the lecture at hand. When we last saw the intrepid John-John Sheppard-Sheppard (Joe-Joe Flanigan-Flanigan) he was kneeling before the hungry, angry Hive Queen of the Wraith (whose smile would resemble Dick Cheney's if his had a little more warmth). Well, he gets out of that easier than Arlo Guthrie got out of the Draft (cliffhanger be damned) and Sheppard is soon reunited with his usual Stargate Atlantis mini-group.

The fact that they're in a Wraith jail cell makes their prospects almost as positive as those of your average America's Most Wanted celebrity. It's aaaaaalll because Sheppard's former Number One go-to guy just went Number Two all over a simple away mission last episode, and forced Shep', Teyla (Rachel Luttrell) and Ronon (Jason Momoa) to board and try to destroy a Wraith Hive Ship. Wow, brilliant. It's a little like walking into a Mob Boss' living room and flashing an ATF badge, but hey, it sells commercial slots, right?

Naturally, the Wraith Enzyme make you do illogical (though well intentioned) things. Does it ever, as Rodney soon proves. Under the guise of preventing an in-mission mutiny, Former Lieutenant Aiden Ford (Rainbow Sun Francks) left Rodney behind with two of his "Lost Boys". I'm pretty sure it was just so Rodney (David Hewlett) was far enough away so as to not get on everybody's nerves, but I digress. Rowdy Roddy McKay soon becomes Rowdy Roddy Piper, as he overdoses on Wraith-Piss, kicks some lost boy butt and staggers back to Atlantis for a nap.

It's at this point that the show really kicks off. Weir (Torri Higginson), Col. Caldwell (Mitch Pileggi, the Skin-Man himself) cowboy up and use the Daedalus to swoop on in for an unneeded rescue. The in-hive action, coupled with the Daedalus quest makes for a hell of an action packed episode, even more worth watching for the additions to the building storyline of Stargate Atlantis on the whole. The hint that the Wraith might be getting as territorial as a Denny's Waitress is brought to stunning light here, and a new dimension to the Wraith relationship to humanity is an eye-widener. Naturally we all know that our main dudes get out of this, but it's how they manage it that makes this all worth while. BUT, could we have seen the last of Aiden Ford? Maybe until sweeps week.

So to all of you guys sitting in your living room with your Spider-Man boxed sets, exact replicas of the original 1970s Cylon (in both Gold and Silver), framed poster of Jean-Luc Picard, statue of Darth Vader and enormous poster that reads "Make Mine Marvel!", your lucky day is here. No, I'm not one of those guys... I'm a DC Comics man. Three and one half stars out of Five for Stargate Atlantis' episode 2.11: "The Hive". It might not be the most original thing in the 'Verse, but you could do a hell of a lot worse, especially with these guys in their leading roles. It's all about the dialogue sometimes, and that can't be all that bad, yes? So, until Stargate Atlantis reprises Star Trek's "The Naked Time", and a long sequence detailing some "quality time" being enjoyed between Elizabeth Weir and Teyla Emmagan, I'll see you in the next reel. Whew... my forehead is breaking out in sweat beads just thinking about it. I think I'll go see what my wife's doin'.

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Stargate Atlantis: "The Hive" (Episode 2.11 01/06/06) Reviewed by J.C. Maçek III who is solely responsible for the content of this site, regardless of how bad his jokes get or how ridiculously flat his reviews might be
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