Resident Evil: Apocalypse(2004)
(Release Date: September 10, 2004)

---

1/2

J.C. Maçek III The World's Greatest Critic! A Note on the "Hospital Scene"! Who Ripped Off Who? I saw this on Opening day, and people are already decrying the Rip-Off of Milla Jovovich appearing in a dead hospital nude before venturing out into a Zombie Overtaken City? This is an obvious rip-off of the beginning of 28 Days Later..., right? The Critics are saying so, and if a CRITIC says it it's true, yeah? Naw! Let's face it, Resident Evil Apocalypse is pretty damned derivative, and it does borrow greedily from better Zombie films, but this isn't one of them... Barring the use of a Time Machine, or maybe some Jeffrey Katzenberg-ish Industrial Espionage, this is just a coincidence! Why? Well all of that footage is re-used from the original film! 28 Days Later... hit theatres on November 1, 2002 in the UK... that's almost 8 months after the first Resident Evil Film's March 15. 2002 release date. Now, hey, I'm not saying that Danny Boyle ripped his film off of this one by any means! Let's face it 28 Days Later... makes Resident Evil Apocalypse look like a Toby Keith Video with music by John Ashcroft and lyrics by Terry McAuliffe. But hey, criticize with something legit, Amigos! -Cheese Defender Kneumsi! Hola Kemosabes... I'm going to confess something to you now that might lose me some readers due to Credibility Gaps! Here goes: I liked 2002's Film Version of Resident Evil! It's true! In fact, it's one of my favorites! But as any reviewer worth his Hops will tell you, there's a damn sight of difference between one's personal favorites and what actually constitutes a "good movie". Hell, I liked Tales From the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight too, but that doesn't mean I think that either one of them is particularly Oscar Worthy! Keeping that in mind, I just watched the sequel to the successful Zombie Video Game tie in, and... Yeah, I liked Resident Evil: Apocalypse! I really did... But did I think it was any good? No! It was worse than the first one. But it's also a hell of a lot of mindless fun with hot chicks, cool guns, Milla Jovovich's boobies, and enough salutes to the video game franchise to make the most devoted "Biohazard" fan blush! Seeing as how I have more Zombie Movie reviews on this site than any other genre, yeah, "Res Evil 2" BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Scroll Down for the Complete Zombie Collection: rates pretty high in the overall scheme of Undead Flicks, but since the film I just saw before it was THX-1138, anything might suffer. I sort of felt like I'd just had my Broccoli and now I got to have the Cheese Sauce to go with it... and... Yum! Milla Jovovich (pronounced Yo-Vo-Vich!) is back as Alice, as mad as she is sexy. She's now been super-powered up by the Umbrella Corporation just in time for our most favorite version of the Zombie Infection (The T-Virus) escapes into Racoon City and brings upon it a... well, a resident evil apocalypse. Yeah! Pulling a "Ripley" in Alien Resurrection, Alice remembers everything, but isn't the same person after all this testing and torture... and neither is her erstwhile kemosabe Matt (Eric Mabius in Archival footage). This time around we don't just have a Super Powered Alice, but a cadre of Video Game Characters backing her up, winking and nodding at the Nintendo Junkies whose thumbs contain their bodies' strongest muscles! Hence the beautiful and dramatically-challenged non-actress Sienna Guillory as the Game Franchise's Jill Valentine, and that guy who was in The Mummy, Oded Fehr as Carlos Olivera, a real fun guy from the games! He grows on you! Let's be frank, though! The plot is thinner than Jared Harris' Dr. Ashford's hair, and narrower than Thomas Kretschmann's Major Cain's eyes! The virus escapes, the city is quarantined, Zombies walk the earth and eat people, and Alice, with a new team, spanks them all one by one, all the while dissing the Umbrella Corporation's very existence with violence, effects and mini-skirts that just won't quit. Aside from the all-too-many nods to the games (I'm a player myself), the big addition to this film is the character of Nemesis (this time out, a heavily made-up and dentally woeful Matthew G. Taylor). Part Rawhead Rex and part RoboCop 2, Nemesis cuts a one-beast swath through just about any sucker he (or Umbrella) deems doable, growling and bitching like he just watched Solaris or Sports Night! If you've seen the first film, you can guess what transpires next with bouncing Matty! As a movie, this is definitely a sequel, with just enough prerequisites missing here for new viewers to go "Huh?" But as a game adaptation it's more accurate than the first film (which was, after all, a prequel to game one). Sure some of the Hard-Core Gamers might nitpick the series of events that laces these elements together, but it's all in good fun, kids. There's more blood, slow-motion cuts of beautiful women blowing away Zombies and profanity than you can shake a Fraggaso movie poster at! It's a shame to nitpick it, because this isn't exactly a Scorcese Masterpiece. It's derivative and silly, and it's bad... and yeah, I love it! I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that this film does push forward the mythos of Resident Evil with a much more interesting look at the T-Virus. The inclusion of Sophie Vavasseur's Angie Ashford (echoing the first film's "Red Queen") and most especially her relationship to Alice and Nemesis opens up more possibilities (and Game-line tie-ins) that could flesh out well in the next film. You can't kill this series... it'll just regenerate and walk about again. Writer/ Producer Paul W.S. Anderson (who also directed the first film) turned this one down to direct Alien Versus Predator. God help me, he's actually missed here. There's a lot less of a feel of a "visionary" (relative term though that might be) bringing a game he loves to life, and a little more of the feel of a second unit guy following a formula that might bring him to bigger and better things. No, nothing's wrong with Alexander Witt's directing, but there is an air of "paycheck" floating around each jump cut and each fast-edit-fight sequence. Whereas the first Resident Evil was a real dead Zombie Movie with teeth and a Sci-Fi/ Action bend, Resident Evil: Apocalypse is a Sci-Fi/ Action movie with a bit of a zombie bend. The walking undead here are almost secondary to the politics! And, while it can be scary (even the monster dogs and the "Lickers" are back), it can also be silly, funny, and dumb. Since this one ends with even less closure than the first one, get ready for more. I'll be there on day one again... but I'll be leaving my old Brain-Bone in the car, thankyouverymuch! Let's not be too harsh here... this is a summer film, filled with action and hot chicks and blood and profanity, and it's easy to love it... it's also as derivative as a third grader's report on Ben Franklin and every bit as smart as a drag queen in a bar filled with laid off construction workers. Yeah, Resident Evil: Apocalypse sucked all right, but I do have some good news! I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico! Two and one half very enthusiastic stars up... way up (but that's out of Five). True, in this film there isn't the inventiveness of your average George Romero film, but in none of those "better" films do you get to see Leeloo's naked breasts! I just realized I left something in the theatre, and have to rush back ASAP to find it... and I guess I'll stay to see them again... Oh, I mean it again! Damn! See you in the next reel!