Product Training for CCR already under way!

aJaJaJaJ


(a really serious Press Release)



.

El Cerrito, Contra Costa County, California (AP) -- In a bold move set to elevate Converse Energy Incorporated to the forefront of the Energy and Energy Product Industry, The Converse Energy Group Board of Directors has unanimously passed a resolution to hire rock band Creedence Clearwater Revival for product endorsement and testimonial.

"At first I thought John was sellin' out!" says Drummer Doug Clifford "But when I saw the Power of Savings on my last electric bill I said, 'Damn! I'm a Fortunate Son!'"

The move comes after an all time low turn out for concert tickets and file sharing on the internet causing a net dollar intake of $1.75 for Calendar Year 2004. Says Bassist Stu Cook "Yeah, our [1998] record called 'Recollection' was doin' purdy good [released under the name Creedence Clearwater Revisited]. But then with Napster and Kazaa, our careers took a huge dump! John's big brother Tom Fogerty starved to death last month!" Adds a horrified Cook "That could-a been me, man!"

The threat of starvation caused former front man and "Centerfield" singer John Fogerty to rejoin his long dissed ex-band mates and put the reformed group out there in the hopes of getting jobs, possibly even in the food service or custodial fields. "Luckily I came across one Terry Woodwolf in a Friendster Chat Room while I was stealing some time on a Contra Costa Library Internet Terminal." Fogerty continues "Terry was all 'Dude, there's a singer named "John Fogerty!"', and I'm like 'Yeah, there WAS, and it was me!', I didn't think anybody even remembered my 'Premonition' Album." Emboldened by recognition, Fogerty asked for a job from Woodwolf explaining he'd do anything, Telemarketing, Porn, Anything! However, being not unsympathetic to the plight of a fallen singer, Woodwolf suggested a package deal in which CCR would endorse Converse Energy Products in exchange for room and board.

"At first I felt like a real male whore!" explains Fogerty, now up to a healthy 115 pounds, "but then I realized how some of these songs were just writing themselves! Hell, 'Up Around the Bend' lent itself so well to a commercial about wind power that I actually prefer the new version."

While lyrics like "Doo-Doo-Doo lookin' in my Fridge Door" (from a commercial for the "Power Planner"), "Proud Mary Keep on Burnin' that Bio Mass", "Born on the Power Grid", "Down on the ISO", "Bad Bills Risin'" and "Who'll stop the Curtailment?" have turned off a good percentage of CCR fans, the fact that there are only six of them left has lent little weight to their complaints! Says long time CCR fan J.C. Mašek III "When I heard they turned the classic song 'Green River' into a jingle about green power I slit my right wrist, but upon explaining to my daughter why I did it, she simply responded with a 'Who, now?'!" Mr. Mašek is now recovering from the mutilation of his other wrist.

Converse President Peter Whycant has expressed hope for the new campaign and has applauded Terry Woodwolf for his concise and thorough Product training for CCR. "At first it was strange having four guys with torn bell bottoms and side burns hanging around and stealing sack lunches from the employees. Luckily they sing better than they make telemarketing calls or else I'd fire them. Too bad I've never heard of this band before."

Expecting success from the CEI/ CCR collaboration, Terry Woodwolf is already in talks with Ray and Dave Davies of the Kinks, David Lee Roth and the three surviving members of the New Kids on the Block. Thus far, Duran Duran and Def Leppard have not returned phone calls.

J.C. Mašek III cares about you and your musical tastes. This parody was created for your energy needs!
Good day, and God Bless!


Wit and Wisdom on the River are Happy to Give!
Back to the Reviews Page!
SearchThisSite:
Back to the World's Greatest Critic Home Page!


Got something to say? Write it!
"I'm lazy, I don't mind, think they're CC-Fucking-R!"
Navigation Links:
What's New?Alphabetical Listing of Reviews!SearchThisSite:Advertise With Us!About...Lynx Links:F*A*Q